This is a continuation from my last post. Read it here.
The Princess and I, we used to be very close friends. Yes, I chose the phrase “used to be”. Do we still talk though? Yes, we do. She’s a friend. Not a close friend. This is made obvious by the fact how different our conversations are. She pretends that everything is OK between us. And that nothing fucked up happened. I don’t believe that just because she can’t be bothered to address what happened, it means that I should pretend that nothing happened. Neither do I believe that I should be the person to point out that there’s something terribly wrong with our (“close”) friendship. Why should I? If she can’t be bothered, I’m certainly not going to go upto her and say, “hey, you know how fucked up things are between us? You know why that happened?”.
I haven’t struck up (i.e. started) a conversation with her in quite some time; she’s been the one who’s been doing that since it happened. She’s been starting chats with me anytime she saw me online on MSN. It’s quite clear from our conversations that they’re lacking all the fun we used to have. Yet she till pretends that everything is OK. Being completely oblivious to the change, while knowing fully well that we’re not OK.
For God’s sake, we were so close. We used to be on each other’s walls on Facebook. We used to chat for hours on MSN. Sometimes till morning came. We lost track of time when we were both talking to each other. And then, after all that, we’d text each other like crazy, too, back when I was in Male’. We stuck to MSN when I was abroad. That’s how close we were. And now, nothing of that. But, of course, everything’s still the same, right? Bullshit. Everything we had, it’s gone now.
You might wonder why I never bothered to tell her what was wrong myself. This post looks like I’m complaining about her not asking me what the problem is with our friendship. Or what problem I have with her or our close friendship. And that I’m blaming all this on her. Of course, you would understand why I’m having problems if you really knew the whole story. But the thing is that I can’t tell you right here. For one thing, it’s a matter between me and her, and I will not publicly announce it. I would have, if this was an anonymous blog. Unfortunately, it’s not, and there are people who knows my identity. Secondly, it’s silly announcing it all when she herself doesn’t know. I would have written about everything if she knew about it. But again, that’s not the case.
I will, however, attempt to explain it to you: Imagine that you were given a book by a friend. Imagine that she told you that the book cost £1M. You would obviously treasure the book, wouldn’t you? And you would think very highly of that friend. Now imagine you were very close friends with her because of the expensive gift. You obviously appreciate her generosity. Now imagine that you got very sick, and you had no money. And you think of the book, and the money you could get by selling it. You’d be able to get treatment for your illness. So you decide to sell it, and find out that it wasn’t worth even £10. She’d lied to you. And you find that out in your time of need. Imagine that you somehow found another way to treat yourself. You’d obviously not care so much about the book, now. You might still be friends with the girl who gave you the book, but maybe not so close. If she happened to ask you why you weren’t so close, you’d tell her that in your time of need, when you needed money and the only option you had was sell the book, you found out that it was worthless, and therefore could not afford to get any medication. It was only by sheer chance that you got some money some other way. If she does not ask you why things were different between you and her, you may not bother telling her why that was. For one thing, it was your mistake in taking her at her word, so you can’t really blame her that you had no money saved, and so tried to sell the book as a last resort to get some money. You had your faults in it as well. So you can’t go blaming her about it. But if she happened to inquire about what happened, there’s no sense hiding it. You can tell her what happened.
The above is not the perfect analogy, but I think it does serve its purpose. If you haven’t already figured it out, the book is the analogy to our close friendship. Use your imagination for the rest.
Of course, if The Princess read this post, it would only cement her own reasoning for what happened between us. I assure you, dear, that you’re wrong. It’s not what you think. =)